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Again my battered head squealed, “Oh no! Not the front row! Anything but the front row.” We took our seats and immediately felt the pity being transmitted telepathically across the sanctuary from the women in the choir. We hustled in and our family of seven’s only seating option turned out to be the front row. I thought of Samuel 16:7 “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” He knew exactly what was going on.
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We might have looked put together, but my head felt like it had been through a paper shredder. It was Easter Sunday – OF COURSE it was packed – which was no surprise to people with functioning brains, but I yelped, “Oh no!” We arrived and the parking lot was packed. I thought of the song by Christian artist Jason Gray, “Remind Me Of Who I Am”, and kept repeating the lyric, “Tell me, once again, who I am to You, who I am to You.” He was so kind, but completely puzzled about what in the world had happened to me. I apologized to Troy on the ride to Mount Olive. I put on the snug dress – thanked God for Spanks and just kept putting one foot in front of the other in my discombobulated haze. I walked into my closet and decided I was going for it. Andrew couldn’t have looked cuter in his little hand-me-down navy blue blazer that all 3 older brothers once sported. Christian looked so grown up it took my breath away. I was convinced she ruined her dress and her shoes wouldn’t slip on. Nate’s socks didn’t match, Dominick picked the wrong hole in his belt (which begged the questions “Will those pants stay up? Is he wearing Easter Sunday worthy underwear? Is that even a thing?”) Grace sat down on the dirty garage floor. I yelled, I got anxious, at least one kid cried. I simultaneously had my heart warmed and felt like a Mommy Easter Morning Sham. I briefly caught a glimpse of Dominick enthusiastically filling his basket in our back yard as I peered down from the deck. He started our little egg hunt without me and I totally understood. But there I was in my closet…SO out of sorts with spirits down and it was time to face the music (or in my case, the closet). Our Easter morning picture tradition: Troy kindly distracts the children and snaps dozens of pictures of the “Fab 5” while I get ready. So the kids’ outfits were all laid out perfectly. I obsess about the kids’ outfits because I have a “Kodak Moment” disorder. I’m a Yankee woman who typically looks like I feel.
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One was a little too big (PRAISE GOD!) and one was a little too snug (UGH!). I face both each morning.Īs Easter approached I had two outfits I was considering. I never did that again, but 5 pregnancies up and 5 pregnancies down, I have a cheering section and a heckling section in my closet. OUCH! Right? When I got pregnant with Christian I thought “AWESOME! I’ve got an excuse to eat whatever I want now that I must eat for two.” And it was awesome, until I delivered my 9-pound baby and still had 41 pounds to lose. So at my very grandest – I was 60 pounds heavier than my very slimmest. For you male readers – every size represents 10 pounds.
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I have been 6 different sizes over the ten years of being a mom. I’m going to over share here for a minute. If this is what she’s talking about – MY POOR MOTHER-IN-LAW! It was paralyzing! Then on Easter Sunday when I awoke, my mind completely short-circuited – I’m talking a TOTAL MALFUNCTION. For years I’ve heard my mother-in-law say: “I don’t function well in the morning.” I never probed, just assumed that meant it’s not her best time of day.